Thoughts on Being Skinnier

The past month or so I have lost about 5 pounds according to my scale. I can actually feel it and notice it in how my clothes fit. How nice, I can wear dust-collecting skirts this summer! is my first thought. The second thought is…

OH NO.

So bear with my Smug Skinny Person soul bearing for a few minutes, please? Thanks.

Back story: I have always been thin. Never been in the overweight category (came close, with my Doctor tsk-tsking me at my last physical) and never been made fun of for my big bottom. Look, I was a loose size 4 Old Navy three short years ago. That is tiny by anyone’s definition. Ok, I got married, had my thyroid zapped, got a desk job, and gained nearly 20 pounds.

I can hear the cheering…”Oh good, she probably needed it!”

“YOU LOOK FINE. You are still thin.”

Yeah, well, tell that to my knees. They were starting to creak.

Like I said, I move more, cut out the sugar drastically and seem to be doing great. Then an Avon catalog was passed across my desk. Its sitting there right now. Pamphleteer from the Devil is more like it.

I am getting my “Skinny Feeling” back.  You might know what that is like. The clothing fits just right. You walk a little taller. You look for other peoples’ approval. I have been severely tempted to just chuck the whole modest look and go Worldly.

Paint my toes, my face, wear pants everyday, cut my hair short. Be on the constant look out for how others perceive me.

Was I really hiding behind my fat as a comfort zone? As a buffer against my Pride?

Is this a test of my endurance?

Can I be thin and still…be modest?

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5 Responses to “Thoughts on Being Skinnier”


  1. 1 Patti April 21, 2009 at 11:51 pm

    You know it’s apples and oranges, your looks and your presentation. Being at a healthy weight for your frame should by all rights be separate from how you present yourself to the world. It’s an unfortunate byproduct of society that you’re having to ask yourself whether feeling good in your skin is committing a sin of pride.

    I can’t imagine that you’d ever suggest to someone else that eating well and getting a lot of physical activity would be a bad thing for their soul, so you know intellectually that your body is responding the way it’s meant to respond to healthy choices. But it must be all too easy for you to slip into the thought patterns of the average Western woman right now. Fight it! Look for nobody’s approval but that of your own body when you wake up in the morning and feel strong. Having a strong, fit, healthy body is no barrier to a modest demeanor.

    And you know I’m talking to you straight, because I’m your number one agnostic high-heel-wearing lipstick-loving yoga-practicing fan.

    • 2 Anna April 22, 2009 at 5:48 am

      Thanks, Patti and Kristin, for your truthful words. And I love having it straight up from any of my fans. 🙂 More thoughts coming in another post.

  2. 4 Amy Shaw April 22, 2009 at 3:19 pm

    Hi Anna,
    I have recently lost lots of baby weight I gained over the last 5 years and 3 babies. And I kinda know how you feel. I decided that I can be thin for me (and my husband) and modest for the world. and that is ok.
    God bless,
    Amy. (a sometimes covering, modest dressing english girl!)

  3. 5 goldilocks May 5, 2009 at 10:26 am

    This is an old post, but timely for me. I have lost about 35 pounds in the last year, and with spring here… yes, the temptation is there.

    An acquaintance was exclaiming that she was going to take me shopping for jeans and tank-tops, because “why are you hiding a hot bod under Mormon clothes?” LOL.

    Yes, feeling fat can provide you with the motivation to keep covered. Sometimes it can even be part of the initial impetus to do it! It’s fundamentally messed up that Western women have to be thin to look publically presentable in mainstream fashions, right?

    Even in the secular world, fat women cover up more than thin ones do, out of shame.

    But modesty cannot just be about fat-shame. Now it’s between you and God, right?

    (yours truly! –another makeup-wearing modest chick.)


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