In case anyone wondered, I’m not perfect. There are times (like a couple nights ago) where I want to throw in the towel in regards to dressing modestly and covering my head in public. For all my strong statements and arguments, sometimes I crumble into a heap of sobbing female.
No one said anything or did anything…usually when I have this sort of bump in the road, it is from my own distorted perceptions of what others might think of me. Where I work, there is a definite “upper class” of administrative staff who tend to befriend each other. We lowlies in the Library and elsewhere are strangers to them. The young ladies tend to have similar hairstyles and wear the same sorts of professional clothing. You can feel the flashbacks to highschool…
This doesn’t bother me so much if I don’t see them regularly. But this week, I did see them repeatedly during campus functions. I could feel their icy stares, their easy dismissal. I am their equal in educational attainment. I just look weird, which on campus, if you don’t have a Ph.D. that means you are disrepected and cut out of the inner sanctum of the Hip and Cool.
Dear Husband comforted me and reminded me that Great Minds and Souls often had to walk through this valley of loneliness. (Why couldn’t we walk together? It might make it more pleasant…) Trailblazing is such hard work, but carry on I must for the prize still awaits.