I’m Not Perfect

In case anyone wondered, I’m not perfect. There are times (like a couple nights ago) where I want to throw in the towel in regards to dressing modestly and covering my head in public. For all my strong statements and arguments, sometimes I crumble into a heap of sobbing female.

No one said anything or did anything…usually when I have this sort of bump in the road, it is from my own distorted perceptions of what others might think of me. Where I work, there is a definite “upper class” of administrative staff who tend to befriend each other. We lowlies in the Library and elsewhere are strangers to them. The young ladies tend to have similar hairstyles and wear the same sorts of professional clothing. You can feel the flashbacks to highschool…

This doesn’t bother me so much if I don’t see them regularly. But this week, I did see them repeatedly during campus functions. I could feel their icy stares, their easy dismissal. I am their equal in educational attainment. I just look weird, which on campus, if you don’t have a Ph.D. that means you are disrepected and cut out of the inner sanctum of the Hip and Cool.

Dear Husband comforted me and reminded me that Great Minds and Souls often had to walk through this valley of loneliness. (Why couldn’t we walk together? It might make it more pleasant…) Trailblazing is such hard work, but carry on I must for the prize still awaits.

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7 Responses to “I’m Not Perfect”


  1. 1 Cathy August 2, 2007 at 7:54 am

    Anna,

    I’m sorry you were feeling so badly about this…I can relate in a slightly-different way. While my dress doesn’t stand out so much (except for being not cool or hip), pretty much anything I say seems to. I sat behind a woman at a church function last week and she was going on and on (to someone else) about some “homeschooling mom who’s always pregnant”. I don’t think she realized I homeschool and that I’m pregnant with my fourth but it still stung. Any sort of “different” lifestyle seems to invite scrutiny and scoffing, sadly enough. Hugs to you today.

  2. 2 Kim August 2, 2007 at 8:12 am

    *huggles* I’m sorry, Anna. I hear ya — God only knows what will happen here when the freshman come to school this month. :/

  3. 3 Kelli August 2, 2007 at 1:54 pm

    I’m sorry Anna!! Seems to me the more “open minded” people claim to be are the ones who are really more closed minded. Keep your chin up!

  4. 4 Christine August 2, 2007 at 5:05 pm

    I commend you on your honesty. I myself am not always consistant with my modest dress and head covering but I bounce back. It’s sometimes hard fighting against the elements of those we have to face each day in “normal” society such as work and all. I use to work in the corporate world and I was outcasted I know because I my modest dress and committment to by beliefs.

    People are not very open minded and it can set up for remarks that may be uninvited. We are all not perfect and that is what makes us all unique in the Lords eyes. Once you come to terms with that you’ll feel the contentment you need to feel at ease.

    Bless you Sister,

    Christine

  5. 5 Dawn August 2, 2007 at 11:04 pm

    Sis, don’t let satan get you down. That’s what that booger wants! LOL.
    See, I am the exact opposite, I guess I have some pretty tough skin because I can care less if people like me or not. I am not here to please man on Earth, but God, and Him alone. πŸ™‚
    I don’t look like the typical Army wife and so, no matter where I go, I am always stared at constantly. I normally stare back and then those people look elsewhere as if they weren’t looking at me at all…ha! Two can play at this game…LOL.
    If someone has given me an icy look, I don’t know about it. I am sure their may have been, but I don’t pay any attention to it.
    Last weekend me and DH went to a bigger Army base to do shopping and of course there are more people there and wow…the stares from children and adults alike were astounding. I don’t think anyone even stares at me anymore on my little Army base, because everyone knows me by my covering and they are used to seeing me like that, but going to a bigger base, I am sure I shocked people…LOL. Good! πŸ™‚
    Sometimes when people are starring intently, I wonder if I have toilet paper stuck to my shoe or my dress tucked in my stockings…LOL. But nope, they are just gawking at this modest , covered creature known as me πŸ™‚

    Forget about what others think of you Sis and just keep on keeping on for the Lord!

    Dawn

  6. 6 cbrunette August 3, 2007 at 7:43 am

    Thanks everyone for your kindness! I think part of my issues in feeling inferior at work stems from having my heart focused on my faith and on my home. Most of the ladies I mentioned are single or divorced so their career is their main source of identity.

    While I am here (God-willing, not much more than a year!), I feel like I have to run with the crowd to keep up. At the same time, my priorities are elsewhere. This is a job, I keep telling myself, not my identity. I am a faithful employee for the time I am here…but that is all. God has beautiful things in store for the future!

    ~Anna

  7. 7 Amy August 3, 2007 at 7:43 am

    Oh Anna, how I can relate, my heart goes out to you. It’s so hard being so different sometimes, but hang in there!

    I had fallen off the wagon (so to speak) in the past couple of days while we have had ungodly friends around and have been feeling awful and alone. Just knowing that I wasn’t struggling by myself helped me to regain and refocus the reasons why I dress modestly, so thank you, thank you for being so honest! πŸ™‚

    Sometimes it is SO easy to (want to) go back to what you’ve always known and fit back in with the world, but we’re not of the world and He wouldn’t have us be, we are transformed! (Rom 12:2)

    Stay strong, dear sister. We’re all here with you and as the saying goes, we’re all in this together, even in cyberspace. πŸ™‚


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