Hitting the Wall

Runners describe a metabolic occurrence as “hitting the wall”; their bodies use up vital stores of glycogen or quick burning sugars. The result is not what you might visualize as literally falling down in the middle of the road. Instead, the runner slows down, even though they may have been feeling just fine a minute before. They feel tired. Then they have to stop and eat or consume a sugary drink to restore the balance.

Those of us who must work outside the home “hit the wall” frequently, in our minds, hearts, and bodies. We forget (or fail to plan or just do not have time) to eat properly. We are thinking about home when at work. When at home, we think of work. At least nine hours of our day, plus commute, is eaten up in earning cash. Exercise, what is that? Errands get done during lunch hours or on the weekends. Some of us must travel for our business, away from home, state, and even country.

This is not some giant pity party I am staging; these are the honest realities we face in the corporate-military-industrial-government complex. Our masters are much harsher than the feminists claim our husbands and fathers ever were. The powers-that-are pay us just enough to keep coming back, grant us enough health coverage to keep us alive, and enough time off to barely sleep and eat. Our relationships, our bodies, our families, our communities, and -dare I say it- our world suffers for it.

Some of us working women, like runners, have a blessed finish line to the rat race. My line is nearing, though I do not know the exact location, I can hear the cheering crowds. Only…I am tired. My body is starting to refuse to wake up, which is traumatizing to an early bird. Every little unexpected thing sends me to the verge of tears. I dread work; I dread coming home to a mess. Neither is really cared for well.

Opportunities are opening for my husband’s future. We heard of a good position just yesterday. I am exceedingly grateful, like the marathoner who is handed a sports drink. Just two miles, just two months. I can make it.

All’s Not Quiet On The Western Front

:::Update::: Some of the ruffled feathers are smoothed down now, but I’m still pretty rattled. The big project is now, thankfully, out of my hands. It is amazing how the culture of an organization can get so outta whack with one person in charge who is unstable.

Wouldn’t you know it….when the husband goes away for three days, crap hits the fan at work. ARRGGH! There are/were lots of misunderstandings surrounding a big project I was working on and hurtful things were said behind my back. Why can’t folks just come to me if they are unhappy, instead of sniggling to others? Call me a hopeless Aspie, but I just can’t seem to understand gossiping and passive aggression.

All this to say, PLEASE pray for wisdom. I really don’t want to quit yet, not so close to Jeff’s graduation. I am not directly in trouble, but the situation revealed what others’ prejudices were. My boss and other librarians are on my side, too…still, made me cry, gosh darn it!

Working for the Government

Being early to work is wrong. Leaving slightly early is wrong. Taking a shorter lunchtime is wrong. Working too hard is just wasting your energy. Bide your time, do just barely enough to keep yourself awake, and you will get paid the same no matter what. No incentives.

These are the lessons I’ve learned while working for the State of Oklahoma.

For the last year, no one has had a problem with my work habits. I tend to arrive 15 minutes early and sometimes (2 or 3 times a week) take a half or three quarters lunch hour. This gives me some precious time at the end of the day so I can get home before my husband and start dinner. I also work hard and diligently on whatever projects come across my desk.

Well, another employee has been lax at what time she arrives and has used up her sick leave, etc. The powers that be have come down hard on her. Its only fair I receive a lecture for being too good. You must stick with the printed schedule no matter what. Just show up and leave at those times. Sigh.

I know enough of the corporate world to discern how upside down and backwards this way of treating good employees is. For the most part, if I were doing the same thing in an office scenario, I might get a raise or promotion! Now, I get “punishment” of sitting here for 8 hours a day, plus an hour for lunch.

The Air Conditioning Has Not Been Fixed…

[A/C has been turned on!!!]

With great fanfare, the new chiller was loaded onto the roof last Monday (10 days ago) with a giant crane. Relief was in sight! The days ticked by last week and not a whiff of cool air to be had. Friday was the promised day of turning on the chiller. I thought a ribbon cutting ceremony was in order after all that we’ve been through!

The A/C is still not turned on. Granted, the workmen have been parading past my doorway with all manners of pipes, hoses, and boxes of parts the last three days. So, we wait, and swelter in our sweat lodges.

We have been wondering if there was a purposeful collusion of the powers-that-be to wait on the A/C hook-up until the cooler autumn temperatures arrive. (There are two cold fronts promised this week and next to bring the temps down to the low 90’s and upper 80’s.) It saves energy, after all.

Head Covered: Fourth Day and Feeling Confident!

Today’s Outfit: Trusty cotton/linen pants paired with lightweight pink cotton tunic/blouse with tank top underneath. I am wearing my pink paisley/floral cotton voile scarf. Sturdy brown sandals.

My boss came in this morning and asked almost immediately, “Are you ok? Is there something wrong?” when she saw the scarf.

“Nothing wrong,” I replied, “Just trying something different.”

She had been gone on a long professional leave and brimming with tales to tell, so I thought I’d save the “religious conviction” discussion for tomorrow.

[Update: The Assistant Director asked me what was up with the scarf...did I shave or lose my hair? I explained that it was a religious conviction, a part of Christian practice that I wanted to do. She asked if it were to be a regular thing. Yes, indeed! She seems ok with the idea.]

I’m really, really liking this fuller headscarf covering. My hair is back in a ponytail, no fussing with a bun! It feels more professional than a smaller kerchief. For some reason, I think covering more of one’s hair is actually better received than wearing something “symbolic.” Maybe I can thank my Muslim friends for this publicity. You know the feeling, I’m sure, of stepping out in public fully confident in your skin (clothing!)

My chin is up, I am walking taller, and I am loving this new view from under the covering!

Head Covered: Third Day and Wondering…

…what I have to do to get noticed around here? I’m being completely facetious. Seems like my coworkers are just going to carry on like there was nothing on my head. This is completely fine by me. Wait until the autumn begins and I pull out my full Jewish scarves! Or how about my Amish caps? Maybe that’ll get a rise out of a bunch of librarians. Other folks will ask if I quilt or make those dolls with no faces.

Today’s Outfit: Terracotta linen long-sleeved blouse paired with a brown swirly skirt and plain white kerchief. Peasant Jesus sandals to match, of course. [Can you tell I love linen? And it is easy to find at Goodwill because other people don't like it...]

I’ve been ogling the heavy weight hair nets and white clippies over at Prayer Coverings. I put my hair up in a bun with my kerchiefs but the end result is rather messy. Perhaps the hair net can contain the spikey strands.

The weekend is almost here! Hurray! Dear Husband has given me permission to experiment in sewing up some other head coverings. I’ve got a couple designs in my head, just need to see if I can translate them into fabric.

One Cockroach

Nearly every single morning, I am the first lady to use the restroom on the second floor of the library. This leaves me the unenviable task of turning on the light before I go inside. I flip the switch and prepare myself for what might dart out in front of me: a lone large cockroach. Every morning, one large cockroach is fleeing from the light (and my shoe!)

Why just one? And why do I need to squish it? The Almighty must be giving me some sort of spiritual lesson from the cockroach. Maybe it represents the devil’s activities in my life. I am grateful there are not a swarm of la cucurachas to dance upon or run away from! Each day I have the responsibility to symbolically crunch sin.

You are all creeped out now, I am sure. You should see all the crickets running around!!

Still Roasting

The saga of the A/C unit continues. We learned yesterday that it was declared dead and must be replaced. When?? I haven’t heard yet…maybe by the end of this week or next week…oh heck, let’s just wait for winter! Major capital improvements…sigh.

Current office temp: 80 F at 9:40 am. Predicted high temperature outside: 104 F. I have to stay put today because the President [of the university] is coming by for her yearly “get-together” with the faculty and staff this afternoon. When I came home from work yesterday I felt so sleepy and worn out. Perhaps this is adding to my stress level?

Yes, I am wearing long skirts and modest tops to work. (Don’t have anything else to wear!) I have a small fan oscillating at my feet which blows my peasant skirt around a bit for circulation. My trusty Nalgene bottle remains at hands-reach at all times!

Look at What the Cat Drug In!

Rain! Rain! Rain! We’ve been deluged in Oklahoma this spring and the Almighty doesn’t think we’ve had enough just yet. I know folks in the southeast and the west are drought-stricken because the low fronts stall out right on top of yours truly. You can take some of it, please!

This morning, as I was preparing for work, the heavens opened again, dumping water at the rate of about 2 inches an hour or faster. Just straight, hard rain. No umbrellas in the apartment. Acck! I did have one long rain coat which I draped over my backpack and backside. Dry shoes in the backpack. I ran for the car but did not escape getting drenched down the front of my blouse and skirt! Egad…what to do?

I hid out in my office for an hour, shivering against the air-conditioned environs. I thought about the pioneer women who had fires or no fires to dry out their skirts. (Mine today is linen, thank God, it drys quickly.) Fortitude, character….

My boss comes in and I tell her about my near-drowning. “Why don’t you use your space heater?” Forehead slap! I have a small heater for my feet to combat over-A/C. Haven’t used it in a long time. Cranked up that baby and I was dry in a few minutes. So much for building character…I’ll take electric “Fire” any day. 

Work, Identity and Womanhood

I am a WOHW, a Work Outside the Home Wife. Many of you are probably incredibly blessed to be a WAHM or just an M or W, which is a life-calling as it is. For this season, I have a job. It isn’t a career nor do I  have illusions as to attaining a career over and above my husband and family life. Most likely, over the course of my life, I will earn aggregately less than my husband. Even if we have the same job description; men just earn more. Unfair? I don’t think so, but you can haggle over it in the comments.

Our plan is for Jeff to return to school in August for a year-long computer training program. He’ll become a certified nerd. This will allow me to quit. QUIT working. I love that q-word right next to quiet. God allows certain times when Quitting is good. Quit willful sinning. Quit complaining (guilty). Women to quit trying to be just like men.

I want to take care of my home (which is a disorganized pack rat nest) and husband (who loves being cared for!) and children (God-willing.)

Right now, my work is causing me turmoil. (If you can guess from the last few posts.) I won’t air the particulars but I am sure you can understand frustration. Pray that I can gain character through this process. There is a time limit, glory to God!

How many of you are WAHM, WOHW, or WOHM? How do you think your identity is tied to paid employment? Do you want to Quit, too?