The View from Under the Covering
Crunch time at work…in many unfair ways. Misery heaped upon no company but me, myself and I. Pray!
There might be a light at the end of the tunnel which isn’t a train. Sorry to be cryptic but I am waiting for an important phone call.
I have a pile of photos to share. Maybe tonight.
Would you give away your birthday presents to some homeless kids?
Courtesy The Roanoke Rescue Mission
[These are transcribed notes from an Anonymous Fascinating Womanhood teacher. Capitalizations and structure of the original have been preserved.]
I use to think the way to a mans heart was through his stomach or sex – but that is not all true – its through his ego. Man has much more ego than the woman. And this is good because it makes him go out and make a place in the world for himself. He also is much more competitive than a woman. A woman’s whole life is her man – a man’s whole life is not his wife – she is first in his heart, but can’t be first in his life or he would never leave hom – he would just want to be with her. God’s plan works. We just have to understand God’s plan for both male and female. The dominate desire of the man is to be admired. Admiration for his physical body, his strength, his manly qualities, his ideas and etc. Both want to be loved and admored, but his strongest desire is to be admired. Admiration to him is like romance to a woman. A man in most cases doesn’t cheat on his wife for sex – but for admiration – she builds him up, makes him feel like her hero. It is just a substitute. It is one of those needs, and when certain needs are not met, either for the woman or the man in a relationship and those needs are strong enough – they will go looking for someone to fill those needs. We are only human. A man wants to go where his feels good about himself and is loved and looked up to. A husband wants to be a hero to his wife. Feeling she accepts him as he is, and doesn’t try to change him. Now I am not talking about mistreatment – that is another subject we will have to bring up later and how to handle it without destroying the relationship.
So the first thing to learn is that men are different from women. Love is essential to both, and to be admired is essential to both, but to be loved and CHERISHED is more IMPORTANT to a woman and to be admired is MORE IMPORTANT to a man. Because we fail to understand these differences, we often supply men with the things WE need, rather than the things THEY need and are baffled when they fail to respond as we anticipated. So the dominant desire of women is to be loved and cherished and until the man is loving and cherishing the woman he will never be what God created him to be or fulfilled – so in our making the change we (by our actions) cause him to make the change and become what God created him to – a real man.
My understanding of my husband as a man freed him. He use to have to walk on tip toes so as not to make me angry or hurt. When I learned to understand his actions, his words, there was no problem – I would just let it click in my head, “Oh, he is a man and not a woman, that is why he did what he did.” And no problem. Men so want a woman to understand them. When they do it makes them kind of worship us.
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89 As a 1930s wife, I am |
Awwww…rabbits! I got docked for putting my cold feet on my husband’s legs at night and wearing pajamas instead of nightgowns.
[These are transcribed notes from an Anonymous Fascinating Womanhood teacher. Capitalizations and structure of the original have been preserved.]
Helen Andelin, the author of this book, had been married for many years and finding it had become mediocre, she decided to try to find out what the problem was. Instead of look at her husband (saying if he would change and so on) she looked to herself. We all know by now that the only one we can change is ourselves. She began to do research, then putting different principles into practice in her own life and home, she discovered a change in herself and her marriage. It was no longer just one of those ‘average marriages’ her husband, too, was changing and was now taking her with him on trips, and treating her as though they were first married. She then began to write a book, she wrote it without the knowledge of her family or husband – when she finished, she showed it to her husband and he said, “You have to have this printed – it is great!” She also had started classes for other women and taught them the same principles and they too turned their marriage into the special kind God wants all homes to have. No more arguing, anger, competing, and hurt feelings. A fun, loving, and friendly marriage.
I was one of those women who thought they had the best marriage any one could have. I thought I was the best wife a man could have – I KNEW I WAS. I convinced my husband that every problem in the marriage was his fault. I was either hurt or angry a lot of the time. And I don’t think those fights and hurts are worth the making up – why not have it all with no fights and arguments that so many have. My husband and I had always loved each other, but we didn’t always like each other. When you love some one you are trapped. Many couples divorce who still love each other but can’t stand each other. YOU CAN HAVE BOTH LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP. You can turn your marriage into a honeymoon. You have to be willing to change some things in your life and you will prove what I have said.
If I had not walked into that class one day, I would still be blind to my OWN FAULTS. Thinking I had the best marriage you could have, and would not have had the chance to learn and to turn my marriage into a fun, friendly marriage where there is just love and caring for one another. I had wanted to be the best wife any man could have and thought I was.
I sat in that class, learning I was doing a lot of things right (as all of you are) but as those few things I was doing wrong that was hurting my marriage and to be sure my dear husband and myself. I did not know what I was doing wrong – we can be so blind to our faults and only see those of our husbands and others. Many of our husbands actions are as a result of our actions and I learned this. Wise women to themselves when things are not going well in the relationship. I life that class and cried (finding for the first time in my married life that I too had faults), then I took a good look at myself, and went to work on some of the principles in this book. IT WORKED. I CHANGED and my husband CHANGED. My relationship with my husband changed. No longer was I either hurt or angry all the time. Because, you see, this book teaches you to understand the male, his ways, thoughts, reactions, so many things about him are so different from you (as a woman). Not wrong, but different. When we as women do not understand men, we judge them as another woman – thinking they are the same – BUT THEY ARE NOT – they are as different as night and day. One girl that took the class said, “I don’t always like what my husband does, but now I understand why he does it.” I believe one of the main problems in marriage is that both men and women do not realize the great differences between men and women – therefore judging each other as themselves, and judging them wrongly.
This past weekend, as well as celebrating my 29th birthday, I also celebrated the milestone of not cutting my hair. No trims, no split-end details, nada. The last salon visit occurred on my birthday one year ago.
It was all accidental, really. I had not planned on avoiding a pair of scissors. Being poor and just seeing how it would go contributed to the feat of adding about 7 inches of length to my tresses. The current length is just past bra-strap length, or “Classic Length” with slight layers for all you Long Hair Aficionados. Notice I didn’t include photos of my hair…because…there are people out there who fantasize about long hair in unhealthy ways. Plus, my site is about covering said hair. 
The last time my hair was this long was probably junior high, when I conducted a similar “lets see how long I can let it grow” experiment happened. Since then I have yo-yo’d between pixies (really short) and shoulder length. I was always told my hair was too fine/delicate for any real satisfying long hair experience.
Wrong-o!
Even though the quality of my hair has changed only a little towards the better (lot less split ends than when I received regular haircuts…hmmm), I enjoy it more as it grows. One of these days I will try to teach myself how to do a french braid or some other similar pretty-ness.
So how long will it grow?? I made it a year….how about another?
[These are transcribed notes from an Anonymous Fascinating Womanhood teacher. Capitalizations and structure of the original have been preserved.]
What is Fascinating Womanhood all about? It is many things to many women, for it has made MANY changes in them in so MANY DIFFERENT ways, changes in their marriages and relationships with other men, whether that be a boss, son, son-in-law, father or man friend.
Many of you have good marriages – but take it from me it can be better, there is a higher goal. Some are not so happy, but Fascinating Womanhood will teach you how to deal with some of these problems. Some of you are divorced – take 50% of the blame and no more – this can free you. Maybe you have HAD IT WITH MEN. Fascinating Womanhood will teach you how to respect them again and not hate. There are truths to learn to set you free – free from BITTERNESS, FRUSTRATION, MISUNDERSTANDING MEN, also many things about yourself.
Fascinating Womanhood is not a BAG OF TRICKS, NOT A GAME, Not MANIPULATION, NOR WILL TURN YOU INTO A RUG.
If God ordained marriage, then he has a PLAN TO BE HAPPY. WE JUST HAVE TO FIND THE PLAN AND WORK IT.
There is a PRICE TO PAY. IT COSTS something to do it God’s way. So many divorces! If what we have been taught is right, WHY SO MANY DIVORCES? We have to find out what the problem is between men and women – there is too much hate and resentment between them.
IF GOD HAS A PLAN, THEN IT WORKS. WHETHER WE LIKE THE PLAN OR NOT – OR AGREE WITH IT – IT STILL WORKS.
If what F.W. teaches is wrong – then it won’t work. If right, it will. I proved it works in my own life.
Please hear me out if you can’t buy some of this. Don’t throw it all out – just ask yourself why. If you find yourself reacting violently to a principle in this book, it may be a clue for you to take a closer look at yoursef – and say to your self, “WHY am I so angry?”
I have learned that TRUTH IS THE HARDEST THING TO ACCEPT. Jesus said this also. OK, WE LOVE THESE GUYS, SO WE MUST FIND A WAY TO LIVE WITH THEM AND MAKE THEM HAPPY AND US. If to improve your marriage, would you be willing to invest a year?? Five years??? We can change no one but ourselves, yet when we change, others to change in reaction to us.
God did not intend for we women to have a bored, unfulfilled, unhappy, frustrated, defeated life. Fascinating Womanhood is a GUIDE to a happy marriage, filled with love, gentleness and devotion from our guy, where the WIFE FEELS NOT ONLY LOVED, BUT CHERISHED, HONORED, AND RESPECTED.
If we are not happy in our home, SOMETHING IS WRONG – AND ITS NOT JUST THE HUSBANDS FAULT.
Over a year ago, a coworker lent me some materials from the Fascinating Womanhood class. Her aunt taught the FW classes, so I was able to scan/copy the original workbook from the 1970’s, plus several single-spaced type-written note pages I am guessing the aunt wrote. I tucked the copies away in my “inspirational note book” and pretty much forgot about them.
This past weekend I pulled out my notebook to revisit good memories or sobering reminders. The FW notes whispered, “Blog ME!” Over the next week or two I will transcribe the notes for you all. There is no author marked on the pages; they are written from a first person standpoint.
If you have never read the Fascinating Womanhood book, I HIGHLY recommend it! There is a new edition out on Amazon.
This is my birth-weekend, because one day is just not enough to celebrate. 
I have now joined the 10 year plan of being Twenty Nine. With my youthful looks, this should be easy. Unless I have babies. I hear that is when one starts to sprout grey hairs. Even then, most people wouldn’t believe me when I share my age.
Some time in between visiting Paula the Goat Lady tomorrow and eating chocolates and an ice cream sundae on Sunday (yay!), I want to take an hour or two with my journal and God to do some reflecting. Consider the birthday as a New Year’s celebration, is my motto.
Enjoy the Gregorian Chant, “Enigma”, one of my favorite 90’s musical products:
Be blessed where ever you are!
