[How appropriate, I found this article today on MSNBC]
I had some unsettling news about my mother last night. She has been going through a fourth or fifth round of chemo the last two months. The Drs. ordered a CT scan to see the progress/regress of the cancer in her chest/lung. The scan revealed that there is fluid build-up around her heart and inconclusive results on the cancer.
Dad said he felt like he had been hit between the eyes. He had noticed Mom was slowing down and was more breathless than usual. Nothing out of the ordinary for somebody on chemo. So the Drs. are checking her blood markers again to see if the cancer is indeed more active or less. They also have a consult with a surgeon they had known previously to talk about what to do about the fluid.
As with the ways of Aspies, I can hardly tell how I’m feeling right now. Its like sadness and hurting all tangled up. My mind says…”Hey, you’ve been through almost 4 years of this battle…suck it up and be a support to your parents!” Then my heart says, “Just because I’ve seen BOTH of my parents nearly die in the last four years does not make this phase any easier!!”
Yeah, I’m pretty scared right now…not in a selfish way. Its that fear-of-the-unknown that gets me low.
