Modern Pregnancy: Fertility Goddesses Revisited

I rose from my seat in church with a smile on my face to turn and greet my neighbor. When I made the about-face to the row behind me, I was greeted instead with an outie belly button protruding through a thin cotton-knit shirt. Was it a teenager with a too-tight top? Nope, it was a 30-year-old upper middle class woman about 8 months pregnant who shook my hand that Sunday.

Pregnancy, as I have come to see it in ladies of my generation, is revered and displayed as almost a goddess worship. We are no longer young enough to wear hip-huggers and bare our midriffs. Casting that aside as “unprofessional”, we’ve taken a new way to draw attention to ourselves. If we cannot have a naked belly, we can still show it through conforming tops as we swell with child. We can get a cast of our full-front to commemorate the event. We can have things painted around our belly-buttons at baby showers.

There is little aura of mystery surrounding our goddesses. To follow suit with cultural standards, we want to be sexy, sensual, and seductive as well as publically fecund. No flowing greek robes or cute jumper dresses to drape over our unborn children. They are initiated early into the world of “flaunt it if you’ve got it” while still in our wombs. Sheer knit tops, shorts with elastic tummy panels, low v-necks to show off burgeoning bosoms, all are supposed to make the pregnant woman feel honored and beautiful.

The reverse psychology of less-is-more in fashion ends up putting more stress on ladies to maintain their bodies in some state of pre-pregnancy perfection. Another woman in my church wore at least 3 inch heels while obviously greatly round this past Sunday. I was fearing she may break an ankle! If there is any point in a woman’s life where she should be comfortable in her clothing is when she is nuturing a child within!

Some may argue, “This trend just honors the New Life. Wouldn’t you support that sentiment?” My feelings of honor do not depend on seeing more than I should of someone else’s anatomy. When a woman is in her last trimester, it is pretty self-evident, no matter what she wears. Of course most people are drawn to her belly as a magnent whether it is neatly covered or threadbare. She shows respect for the Creation of new life (and herself) by keeping some of the mystery in tact.

Videos on Aspergers

This video is a great! The young lady and I have similarities in our Autistic understanding and experiences. She does use a swear word or two, you are warned. About 9 minutes long.

This one is by a young man in Great Britain. I especially like how he described hearing all the whispering in the cafe but not the person in front of you.

What Autism Means for Me

Since some ladies have expressed interest in what Autism is like for me, or how I knew to seek a diagnosis for it, I thought I’d share with everyone.

The tricky part of the Autism spectrum are the perimeters used to define it. In order for it to be a “Disorder” or “Syndrome” the psychologists/psychiatrists/neurologists have to come up with the deficits that impair human beings from daily living which also has to be defined. The same holds true for many other psychological diagnoses. What I have found with Autsim, both living with it and learning from others, is that both definitions are suddenly made fluid.

Autism is a neuro-biological developmental disorder. That is what the professionals say. In Classic Autism, the visible impairments include lack of verbal development, repetitive behaviors or self-injurious actions, perceived lack of empathy, little or no eye contact, and other biological delays. This is what most people think of, if they have any idea of what Autism is like. I would like to emphasize that these symptoms are what others perceive and are not ends in and of themselves. The reasons for these behaviors are hypersensitivity to stimuli and a “mis-wiring” in how to communicate with other human beings.

Let me expand on that last point.  Most Autistics have what is called “Face-blindness” or the inability to recognize individuals or emotions through facial expressions. I’ve read that our brains perceive faces like objects. We have to consciously learn what a happy face is like or what anger is like. Then again, facial expressions are highly influenced through culture and societal expectations, so it can be hard to make a mental encyclopedia of all the possible variations. You can see how this can be exhausting!

Apserger’s Syndrome is also along the Autistic specturm, though with some differentiation. The psychologists rate a child with Asperger’s normally through their developmental level (how impaired they are) and their intelligence (how high it is).  There are several other characteristics: repetitive behaviors (stimming), very focused interests, clumsiness, and the social impairments I named above. I’m breezing through all this so you can get a handle on what I will describe in my life.

When I said that the Autistic spectrum and what is normal or “Neurotypical” is fluid, I mean that what it boils down to (for me) is a difference in perceptions and expectations. [If you are an Autistic reading this...please give me some slack!] Since each Autistic has a unique set of symptoms, their perceptions are also unique. They often complain of being a “zoo exhibit” by listing all their sensitivities or behaviors to others because they are so different. Yet, Neurotypical folks have their own sets of oddities that Autistics find weird. Autistics and Neurotypicals are human, just differing in the ways they perceive and interact with the world. Each needs to give room and accommodations to the other.

Okay, off my soap box and onto the subject of me.

Here is how Autism added up for me:

• Inability to make and keep live friends: This is the biggest “distress” for me. I would like to make friends, especially lady friends in person (like dear long-suffering Cathy) but find it difficult to manage all the social “rules.” Also, unless I share many strong interests with the person, its hard for me to maintain contact with them. What do I talk about? How do I properly open up emotionally to them? Do they think I weird? Do I make them feel uncomfortable? How can I tell they like me? And on and on….Typical female events are also tedious for me, like Women’s Ministry. Sigh and Shudder. Bridal and Baby showers are ok, for a while. Did I mention I don’t like make-up and hair and other female stuff?
• Fear and Anxiety as a Child: Most everything new freaked me out. Thunderstorms were a biggie.
• Strong interests: Blogging about modest dress and headcoverings, pretty narrow interest field, huh? I have many others that I’ve maintained or let go of over the years. Thats enough for many other blog posts.
• Clumsiness: This is something that my parents inadvertently helped me with as a child through ballet classes. The problem is, I can be graceful in ballet, but the rest of normal life, its a free-for-all on my poor body!
• Jokes: Especially the kind where a person is appearing to be serious but are saying something funny. I cannot interpret it as funny. They have to apologize when I take it seriously. Puns are borderline. I have to think them out. I love irony or sarcasm, in print or on the movie screen. This gives me time to think it over. I used to think I was just gullible. It has been persistent, no matter how many times I try to overcome it!
• Staring off into space: I need time to think and stare, sometimes out the window or at the ceiling.
• Low-Energy: Real Life is exhausting. Naps Rule!
• Auditory Difficulties: My hearing is fine, but the perception of what people are saying is difficult. Sometimes I can be looking straight at a person and focused completely on them, but then the sound cuts out for a few words in the middle of sentences. Restaurants are usually too busy and loud for me to have any meaningful conversation. Appleby’s is a nightmare! My husband is convinced I have near perfect pitch. I help him tune his guitar.
• Attention Issues: This is because details fascinate me. I feel like a mouse in a maze for most of my daily life. To get the cheese, I memorize details of everything. Jeff calls this “Fly Paper Brain.” It all sticks! Of course, for Normals, they screen out most of this stuff. Hence why I get so tired…
• There are many other small things that add up, too. Light sleeper at night. Insomnia as a child. Likes technology.

Well, if you made it this far, you deserve a gold star! Feel free to ask questions.

The Air Conditioning Has Not Been Fixed…

[A/C has been turned on!!!]

With great fanfare, the new chiller was loaded onto the roof last Monday (10 days ago) with a giant crane. Relief was in sight! The days ticked by last week and not a whiff of cool air to be had. Friday was the promised day of turning on the chiller. I thought a ribbon cutting ceremony was in order after all that we’ve been through!

The A/C is still not turned on. Granted, the workmen have been parading past my doorway with all manners of pipes, hoses, and boxes of parts the last three days. So, we wait, and swelter in our sweat lodges.

We have been wondering if there was a purposeful collusion of the powers-that-be to wait on the A/C hook-up until the cooler autumn temperatures arrive. (There are two cold fronts promised this week and next to bring the temps down to the low 90’s and upper 80’s.) It saves energy, after all.

And now back to our regularly scheduled blogging…

This is Contessa, my dear, darling little ball of fluff. She made herself cozy in the afghan on the couch this evening and I just had to take a photo!

I’m sorry if I worried anyone with the previous post. If you met me in person, you’d probably not notice anything different about me. Like I said, its mostly going on in my head. I hope you’ve learned something new.

Now we can move onto bigger and better things like honoring God with our appearance!

You’re doing very well for an Autistic person…

It is official, I have Asperger’s Syndrome. This sounds much scarier than it actually is. I will include a listing of links below to help everyone understand more abour Asperger’s and Autism in general.

The psychologist was not an expert in the area of Autism but he was kind in helping weed out other possibilities. We chatted this morning about the paper tests I took last week. Essentially, I have the mental cognitions and physical perceptions of an Autistic person but have somehow “overcome” many of the social limitations. I still don’t understand the intricacies of social interaction but at least I can keep my job and navigate higher education. This is considered “successful” as far as the psychologist is concerned.

For my own take on Autism, I fall into the Neurodiversity camp who view the varieties of the diagnosis as something to be accomodated, not erradicated or cured. I like who God made me to be and become. This is not to say that Autistic people should not have any help in learning to communicate or offer assistance in other ways. The focus is on understanding how we perceive the world and make allowances for the differences instead of setting up the standard of “normal” for every child or adult to reach.

Here are some sites that have helped me understand Autism better:

• Neurodiversity.com - Compendium of all sorts of links. Highly recommended.
• The Aspie Criteria - One of my favorite articles on the positive aspects of Asperger’s.
• A woman who has outwardly profound Autism but is also able to type and communicate with the world.
• The Joy of Autism - run by a mother with an autistic son and also runs the Autistic Acceptance Project.

So I hope this helps you in learning about Autism (though you probably wanted to learn about Modesty instead!)

Head Covered: Fourth Day and Feeling Confident!

Today’s Outfit: Trusty cotton/linen pants paired with lightweight pink cotton tunic/blouse with tank top underneath. I am wearing my pink paisley/floral cotton voile scarf. Sturdy brown sandals.

My boss came in this morning and asked almost immediately, “Are you ok? Is there something wrong?” when she saw the scarf.

“Nothing wrong,” I replied, “Just trying something different.”

She had been gone on a long professional leave and brimming with tales to tell, so I thought I’d save the “religious conviction” discussion for tomorrow.

[Update: The Assistant Director asked me what was up with the scarf...did I shave or lose my hair? I explained that it was a religious conviction, a part of Christian practice that I wanted to do. She asked if it were to be a regular thing. Yes, indeed! She seems ok with the idea.]

I’m really, really liking this fuller headscarf covering. My hair is back in a ponytail, no fussing with a bun! It feels more professional than a smaller kerchief. For some reason, I think covering more of one’s hair is actually better received than wearing something “symbolic.” Maybe I can thank my Muslim friends for this publicity. You know the feeling, I’m sure, of stepping out in public fully confident in your skin (clothing!)

My chin is up, I am walking taller, and I am loving this new view from under the covering!

The New Kerchief

My weekend experiment in head covering sewing! I borrowed the long kerchief design from Wendy’s Modest Dress. First, I sketched out the pattern on my trusty brown poster paper (comes in a roll.) Then I cut it out of my fabric. I chose a light-weight cotton “eyelet” that has circles embroidered on it but no holes. This is the final result:

I made a headband of sorts with thin fusible stabilizer. There is elastic and a snap on the under side. The back edge is a rolled hem, makes the fabric a bit fluttery. I thought I’d get a bit fancy with added two loops on the headband for clippies to go through, one on each side of my head.

The only down side of the covering is that I made it a tad too large for my head. I also have to add another loop in the center of the band to keep it from sliding backwards. Back to the drawing board!

Please excuse my workout gear:

Doesn’t it have nice drape in the back? I have enough fabric to make three more coverings, hopefully.

The Home Economics Story

In case you have a spare 25 minutes this weekend for a charming film from 1951, I highly recommend this one.

Feminists Please Note: Not every girl was engaged by the end of the film.

Head Covered: Third Day and Wondering…

…what I have to do to get noticed around here? I’m being completely facetious. Seems like my coworkers are just going to carry on like there was nothing on my head. This is completely fine by me. Wait until the autumn begins and I pull out my full Jewish scarves! Or how about my Amish caps? Maybe that’ll get a rise out of a bunch of librarians. Other folks will ask if I quilt or make those dolls with no faces.

Today’s Outfit: Terracotta linen long-sleeved blouse paired with a brown swirly skirt and plain white kerchief. Peasant Jesus sandals to match, of course. [Can you tell I love linen? And it is easy to find at Goodwill because other people don't like it...]

I’ve been ogling the heavy weight hair nets and white clippies over at Prayer Coverings. I put my hair up in a bun with my kerchiefs but the end result is rather messy. Perhaps the hair net can contain the spikey strands.

The weekend is almost here! Hurray! Dear Husband has given me permission to experiment in sewing up some other head coverings. I’ve got a couple designs in my head, just need to see if I can translate them into fabric.